Geparmyog Ortvagponnig is a god.

She takes the form of a four hundred metre long, irritating hyena.

Geparmyog Ortvagponnig created the Sombrero Galaxy six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Geparmyog Ortvagponnig, she will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Geparmyog Ortvagponnig, she will turn you into a puffin.

Geparmyog Ortvagponnig's most sacred site is Zhelaizhai in China.

Geparmyog Ortvagponnig's Holy Commandments

1. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

2. You must pray to Geparmyog Ortvagponnig eight times a day.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

4. Always treat monkeys with great respect.

5. Hide from mauve gulls for they are unholy.