Lakster is a god.

He takes the form of a six hundred metre long, wise crab.

Lakster created life nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Lakster, he will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Lakster, he will refuse to believe in you.

Lakster's most sacred site is Oitti in Finland.

Lakster's Holy Commandments

1. Never mention badgers.

2. Never eat melons.

3. Never talk about quantum field theory near manatees while wearing violet corsets.

4. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

5. Never talk about amino acids.