Bagquafhud is a god.

She takes the form of a planet-sized, ruthless swallow.

Bagquafhud created viruses six million years ago.

If you believe in Bagquafhud, she will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Bagquafhud, she will be mildly annoyed.

Bagquafhud's most sacred site is Hondarribia in Spain.

Bagquafhud's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed coconuts to snails while wearing indigo boots.

2. Never talk about fluid mechanics near sheep while wearing turquoise scarves.

3. Your children must be taught to worship Bagquafhud.

4. Moths are not to be trusted.

5. Never chant near nematodes.