Farn Ontflamfub Gemhabaf is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely small, cheerful frog.

Farn Ontflamfub Gemhabaf created humankind two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Farn Ontflamfub Gemhabaf, he will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Farn Ontflamfub Gemhabaf, he will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Farn Ontflamfub Gemhabaf's most sacred site is Brechfa in Wales.

Farn Ontflamfub Gemhabaf's Holy Commandments

1. Always make a point of helping unfortunate moths.

2. Never talk about cats.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of zinc.

4. Paint representations of black holes on the walls of your dwelling place in yellow.

5. Never pour water over plants.