Jintifyatt Funfonfut is a god.

She takes the form of a fat, emotional hamster.

Jintifyatt Funfonfut created a photon nine million years ago.

If you believe in Jintifyatt Funfonfut, she will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Jintifyatt Funfonfut, she will turn you into a sheep.

Jintifyatt Funfonfut's most sacred site is Poloka in Botswana.

Jintifyatt Funfonfut's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed pineapples to mice while wearing dresses.

2. Do not place bananas upon stone.

3. Always obey Jintifyatt Funfonfut's priests.

4. Always make a point of helping unfortunate squirrels.

5. Do not dye your hair black.