Vagwatmil is a god.

It takes the form of a small, deceitful armadillo.

Vagwatmil created the universe five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Vagwatmil, it will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Vagwatmil, it will turn you into a blue tit.

Vagwatmil's most sacred site is Meidrim in Wales.

Vagwatmil's Holy Commandments

1. Always stare at clouds.

2. Erect a giant nickel sculpture of Vagwatmil in the centre of the settlement.

3. Always help horses.

4. Always maintain purity during days of mourning.

5. Do not speak about peas.