Kintofgess is a god.

She takes the form of a planet-sized, impressive tapir.

Kintofgess created the Sol system eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Kintofgess, she will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Kintofgess, she will destroy your home galaxy.

Kintofgess' most sacred site is Kerris in England.

Kintofgess' Holy Commandments

1. You must love Kintofgess.

2. Do not dye your hair mauve.

3. Do not covet oxen.

4. Do not hop in public.

5. Do not cook food in pots.