Bamtenmis is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly large, thoughtless swallow.

Bamtenmis created Africa seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Bamtenmis, he will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Bamtenmis, he will turn you into a dog.

Bamtenmis' most sacred site is Dzhanka in Bulgaria.

Bamtenmis' Holy Commandments

1. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

2. Do not gather at walls at dawn.

3. Fast once a month.

4. Do not skip in public.

5. Always act with obedience when addressing priests.