Hubquartnad Bothogfem Likflamort is a god.

He takes the form of a very large, quiet aardvark.

Hubquartnad Bothogfem Likflamort created the world three billion years ago.

If you believe in Hubquartnad Bothogfem Likflamort, he will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Hubquartnad Bothogfem Likflamort, he will send four elephants to rub you out.

Hubquartnad Bothogfem Likflamort's most sacred site is Demsin in Germany.

Hubquartnad Bothogfem Likflamort's Holy Commandments

1. Never mention shrews.

2. Erect a giant brown sculpture of Hubquartnad Bothogfem Likflamort in the centre of the settlement.

3. Do not drink water in white rooms.

4. Never paint your chest turquoise.

5. Feed all hungry turtles.