Vaghonjon is a god.

It takes the form of a corpulent, sapient jackal.

Vaghonjon created light eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Vaghonjon, it will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Vaghonjon, it will jump up and down fuming with anger.

Vaghonjon's most sacred site is Aguaruto in Mexico.

Vaghonjon's Holy Commandments

1. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Never wear tights.

3. Do not consume apples at dawn.

4. Do not name children after tapirs.

5. Never think about dark energy.