Xemruldon is a god.

He takes the form of a heavy, merciless duck.

Xemruldon created light four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Xemruldon, he will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Xemruldon, he will curse you and those you beget for seventy quadrillion years.

Xemruldon's most sacred site is Kgope in Botswana.

Xemruldon's Holy Commandments

1. Never play with disobedient children.

2. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

3. Erect a large iron sculpture of Xemruldon on top of all buildings.

4. Do not stand on grass.

5. Xemruldon loves dolphins, so they must be respected.