Tigpagfun is a god.

He takes the form of a very large, intelligent crocodile.

Tigpagfun created the planet Mars five billion years ago.

If you believe in Tigpagfun, he will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Tigpagfun, he will send two she bears to sort you out.

Tigpagfun's most sacred site is Laurila in Finland.

Tigpagfun's Holy Commandments

1. Always store bananas above ground.

2. Do not trade with those who eat corn.

3. Retreat if eight badgers approach from the east.

4. Never point your feet toward the north during prayer.

5. Heed all dreams.