Ditcepmab is a god.

It takes the form of a rotund, loving rat.

Ditcepmab created the world five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Ditcepmab, it will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Ditcepmab, it will turn you into a snail.

Ditcepmab's most sacred site is Karikalampakkam in India.

Ditcepmab's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed onions to grasshopers while wearing jumpers.

2. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Ditcepmab.

3. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

4. Never feed aubergines to snails while wearing green rings.

5. Never think about thermodynamics near voles while wearing gray skirts and balancing three iron spheres on your feet.