Minyarmum Canfenwap is a god.

It takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, sapient squid.

Minyarmum Canfenwap created a charm quark six million years ago.

If you believe in Minyarmum Canfenwap, it will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Minyarmum Canfenwap, it will name a particularly small and pointless asteroid after you.

Minyarmum Canfenwap's most sacred site is Gorbio in France.

Minyarmum Canfenwap's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat green fruit.

2. Never feed lentils to dogs while wearing purple tights.

3. Never look in ponds.

4. Do not shave your back.

5. Never leap in holy places.