Cisslagkim Tapquafyokfas is a god.

It takes the form of a corpulent, weak pig.

Cisslagkim Tapquafyokfas created the Small Magellanic Cloud two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Cisslagkim Tapquafyokfas, it will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Cisslagkim Tapquafyokfas, it will come to you in dreams.

Cisslagkim Tapquafyokfas' most sacred site is Leswalt in Scotland.

Cisslagkim Tapquafyokfas' Holy Commandments

1. Never write about chlorophyll.

2. Never curse while facing east.

3. Do not fashion tools from iron.

4. Do not commit murder.

5. Do not kill seals.