Artyartquat is a god.

He takes the form of an eight thousand metre long, happy alligator.

Artyartquat created dark matter four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Artyartquat, he will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Artyartquat, he will turn you into a dog.

Artyartquat's most sacred site is Evol in France.

Artyartquat's Holy Commandments

1. Do not speak about lemons.

2. Never think ill of sick turtles.

3. Learn three new languages a year.

4. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Artyartquat.

5. Hide from indigo geese for they are unholy.