Bethothig is a god.

She takes the form of a chunky, charitable mongoose.

Bethothig created an electron nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Bethothig, she will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Bethothig, she will boil you in a big pot.

Bethothig's most sacred site is Laurila in Finland.

Bethothig's Holy Commandments

1. Never point your legs toward the south during prayer.

2. Paint representations of black holes on the walls of your dwelling place in fawn.

3. Pray only in firelight.

4. Never discuss ribonucleic acid in public assemblies.

5. Never mix corn with oil.