Ortvoltag is a god.

He takes the form of a heavy, happy jellyfish.

Ortvoltag created the universe two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Ortvoltag, he will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Ortvoltag, he will turn you into a slug.

Ortvoltag's most sacred site is Laurila in Finland.

Ortvoltag's Holy Commandments

1. Never pour water over plants.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

3. Always look after injured swans.

4. Erect four aluminium sculptures of Ortvoltag on top of important buildings.

5. Always wear white.