Dudfem is a god.

He takes the form of a chunky, deceitful turtle.

Dudfem created a Higgs boson three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Dudfem, he will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Dudfem, he will name a particularly small and pointless asteroid after you.

Dudfem's most sacred site is Sarti in Greece.

Dudfem's Holy Commandments

1. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

2. Always maintain obedience during days of mourning.

3. Never write about stars.

4. Never speak at dusk.

5. You must never eat garlic.