Voljabjap Cemtunflan is a god.

It takes the form of a rotund, loving lizard.

Voljabjap Cemtunflan created the Milkyway two billion years ago.

If you believe in Voljabjap Cemtunflan, it will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Voljabjap Cemtunflan, it will turn you into a rat.

Voljabjap Cemtunflan's most sacred site is Katteri in India.

Voljabjap Cemtunflan's Holy Commandments

1. Hide from black geese for they are unholy.

2. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Voljabjap Cemtunflan.

3. Erect a giant purple sculpture of Voljabjap Cemtunflan in the centre of the settlement.

4. Do not stand on grass.

5. Do not wear tin on your body.