Taffotsand is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely fat, unthinking badger.

Taffotsand created bats nine million years ago.

If you believe in Taffotsand, she will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Taffotsand, she will turn you into a goat.

Taffotsand's most sacred site is Corsock in Scotland.

Taffotsand's Holy Commandments

1. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

2. Never mention tapirs.

3. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Never talk about solid mechanics near capybaras while wearing green trousers.

5. Feed all hungry monkeys.