Yarspaggid is a god.

She takes the form of a very long, ruthless walrus.

Yarspaggid created everything that exists four years ago.

If you believe in Yarspaggid, she will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Yarspaggid, she will turn you into a puffin.

Yarspaggid's most sacred site is Mmankgodi in Botswana.

Yarspaggid's Holy Commandments

1. Show mercy to disobedient children.

2. Worship no other gods but Yarspaggid.

3. Put Yarspaggid first in all things.

4. Never feed bread to goats while wearing tights.

5. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.