Fatsascem is a god.

She takes the form of a nine thousand metre long, ill-tempered chicken.

Fatsascem created a charm quark seven million years ago.

If you believe in Fatsascem, she will be happy.

If you do not believe in Fatsascem, she will turn you into a blue tit.

Fatsascem's most sacred site is Penpont in Scotland.

Fatsascem's Holy Commandments

1. Do not dye your hair gray.

2. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Fatsascem.

3. Hide from red geese for they are unholy.

4. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

5. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.