Zencam Habarnnigbetkancabsid is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly fat, unfair ferret.

Zencam Habarnnigbetkancabsid created a photon four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Zencam Habarnnigbetkancabsid, she will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Zencam Habarnnigbetkancabsid, she will turn you into an amoeba.

Zencam Habarnnigbetkancabsid's most sacred site is Vinezac in France.

Zencam Habarnnigbetkancabsid's Holy Commandments

1. Respect your elders.

2. Zencam Habarnnigbetkancabsid loves goats, so they must be honoured.

3. Do not speak about carrots.

4. Hide if six grasshopers approach from the north.

5. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.