Handosskengud is a god.

He takes the form of a microscopic, uncaring cobra.

Handosskengud created time and space six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Handosskengud, he will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Handosskengud, he will sneak up behind you and tap you on the back.

Handosskengud's most sacred site is Zlatolist in Bulgaria.

Handosskengud's Holy Commandments

1. Never mention ducks.

2. Do not kill whales.

3. Never talk about thermodynamics near porpoises while wearing violet tights and balancing eight aluminium spheres on your legs.

4. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

5. Do not chop down trees.