Lagladguntab is a god.

It takes the form of a very long, irritating coyote.

Lagladguntab created humankind three billion years ago.

If you believe in Lagladguntab, it will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Lagladguntab, it will turn you into a puffin.

Lagladguntab's most sacred site is Minnigaff in Scotland.

Lagladguntab's Holy Commandments

1. Erect three aluminium sculptures of Lagladguntab on top of important buildings.

2. Never play with disobedient children.

3. Learn five new languages a year.

4. Pray towards the west.

5. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.