Quimwadtarg is a god.

It takes the form of a corpulent, resourceful donkey.

Quimwadtarg created dark energy eight million years ago.

If you believe in Quimwadtarg, it will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Quimwadtarg, it will send four elephants to rub you out.

Quimwadtarg's most sacred site is Vinezac in France.

Quimwadtarg's Holy Commandments

1. Always take life seriously.

2. Always obey Quimwadtarg's priests.

3. Never think about nebulae.

4. You must never eat corn.

5. Never mention monkeys.