Lambitkoptan is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely fat, egotistical elephant.

Lambitkoptan created time and space eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Lambitkoptan, he will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Lambitkoptan, he will attempt to scare you with hail.

Lambitkoptan's most sacred site is Phepheng in Botswana.

Lambitkoptan's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat green fruit.

2. Do not stand on grass.

3. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

4. Never talk about asteroids.

5. Retreat if six foxes approach from the east.