Gomgedhiv is a god.

She takes the form of a three thousand metre long, blissful squid.

Gomgedhiv created the Large Magellanic Cloud seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Gomgedhiv, she will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Gomgedhiv, she will turn you into a frog.

Gomgedhiv's most sacred site is Corsock in Scotland.

Gomgedhiv's Holy Commandments

1. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

2. Retreat if three moths approach from the east.

3. Dolphins are unholy and should not be approached.

4. Run away from red turtles, for they are unholy.

5. Gomgedhiv must be the most important thing in your life.