Largxemjan Getzanpop is a god.

It takes the form of a three hundred metre long, slow porpoise.

Largxemjan Getzanpop created parasitic wasps seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Largxemjan Getzanpop, it will not care.

If you do not believe in Largxemjan Getzanpop, it will send four elephants to rub you out.

Largxemjan Getzanpop's most sacred site is Omaweneno in Botswana.

Largxemjan Getzanpop's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed turnips to goats while wearing purple scarves.

2. Do not kill mice.

3. Always make sure there are no tortoises in a room before entering it.

4. Retreat if five seals approach from the west.

5. Never look in ponds.