Flag Cabcammis is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely fat, happy walrus.

Flag Cabcammis created a photon eight million years ago.

If you believe in Flag Cabcammis, he will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Flag Cabcammis, he will turn you into a puffin.

Flag Cabcammis' most sacred site is Thethampakkam in India.

Flag Cabcammis' Holy Commandments

1. Hide from turquoise cats for they are unholy.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of iron.

3. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

4. Always make sure there are no grasshopers in a building before entering it.

5. Always pray in complete darkness.