Lakstikquimrigfotweejig is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely large, passionate dolphin.

Lakstikquimrigfotweejig created the Sun nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Lakstikquimrigfotweejig, he will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Lakstikquimrigfotweejig, he will come to you in dreams.

Lakstikquimrigfotweejig's most sacred site is Leswalt in Scotland.

Lakstikquimrigfotweejig's Holy Commandments

1. Run away from black dolphins, for they are unholy.

2. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

3. Your children must be taught to worship Lakstikquimrigfotweejig.

4. Never feed aubergines to tortoises while wearing white jumpers.

5. Always obey Lakstikquimrigfotweejig's priests.