Tofcamxin is a god.

It takes the form of an enormous, dishonest butterfly.

Tofcamxin created dark matter three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Tofcamxin, it will not care.

If you do not believe in Tofcamxin, it will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Tofcamxin's most sacred site is Landsort in Sweden.

Tofcamxin's Holy Commandments

1. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

2. Do not eat pineapples.

3. Never paint your neck orange.

4. Retreat if eight goats approach from the west.

5. Always pray in complete darkness.