Armpaskam is a god.

He takes the form of a minute, loving monkey.

Armpaskam created the Sun nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Armpaskam, he will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Armpaskam, he will torture you forever.

Armpaskam's most sacred site is Morella in Spain.

Armpaskam's Holy Commandments

1. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Armpaskam.

2. Erect six gold sculptures of Armpaskam on top of important buildings.

3. Never eat spinach.

4. Badgers are unholy and should not be approached.

5. Worship no other gods but Armpaskam.