Nuttfutquart is a god.

He takes the form of a thin, ill-tempered crane.

Nuttfutquart created an up quark seven million years ago.

If you believe in Nuttfutquart, he will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Nuttfutquart, he will turn you into a small brown duck.

Nuttfutquart's most sacred site is Denshawai in Egypt.

Nuttfutquart's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about bacteria.

2. Never whisper while facing south.

3. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Never discuss ribonucleic acid in public assemblies.

5. Never prepare carrots during spring.