Femnaknutthuglatbastkadhud is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely thin, slow clam.

Femnaknutthuglatbastkadhud created viruses five million years ago.

If you believe in Femnaknutthuglatbastkadhud, he will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Femnaknutthuglatbastkadhud, he will send five hundred and sixty eight geese to peck you to death.

Femnaknutthuglatbastkadhud's most sacred site is Dornbock in Germany.

Femnaknutthuglatbastkadhud's Holy Commandments

1. Great tits are not to be trusted.

2. Worship no other gods but Femnaknutthuglatbastkadhud.

3. Always wear purple.

4. Never wear mauve stockings.

5. Nematodes are unholy and should not be approached.