Bomguddin Bosspophap is a god.

It takes the form of an enormous, weak crab.

Bomguddin Bosspophap created life three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Bomguddin Bosspophap, it will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Bomguddin Bosspophap, it will turn you into a slug.

Bomguddin Bosspophap's most sacred site is Faux Cap in Madagascar.

Bomguddin Bosspophap's Holy Commandments

1. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

2. Never talk about ultrasonics near tortoises while wearing purple ear rings and balancing seven tin spheres on your hands.

3. Run away if eight aardvarks approach from the south.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of zinc.

5. Always treat foxes with great respect.