Mapbassmad is a god.

He takes the form of a very heavy, resourceful narwhal.

Mapbassmad created humankind nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Mapbassmad, he will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Mapbassmad, he will send minions to preach to you.

Mapbassmad's most sacred site is Kottucherry in India.

Mapbassmad's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about horizontal gene transfer.

2. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

3. Look mercifully on unfortunate badgers.

4. Pray towards the north.

5. Never think about the weak nuclear force near voles while wearing green dresses and balancing seven lead spheres on your arms.