Vonkbamquat is a god.

She takes the form of a corpulent, staggering duck.

Vonkbamquat created carbon seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Vonkbamquat, she will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Vonkbamquat, she will curse you and those you beget for all time.

Vonkbamquat's most sacred site is Snapp in Sweden.

Vonkbamquat's Holy Commandments

1. Do not bounce in public.

2. Always look after injured mites.

3. Never think about gravity.

4. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Always help sick capybaras.