Higkemdam is a god.

He takes the form of an enormous, unjust jellyfish.

Higkemdam created energy two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Higkemdam, he will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Higkemdam, he will turn you into an amoeba.

Higkemdam's most sacred site is Chettipet in India.

Higkemdam's Holy Commandments

1. Never go into pink rooms.

2. Never talk about cell theory.

3. Never laugh in holy places.

4. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Higkemdam.

5. Always treat pigs with great respect.