Gilcunrulcap is a god.

He takes the form of a fat, narcissistic walrus.

Gilcunrulcap created a top quark six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Gilcunrulcap, he will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Gilcunrulcap, he will destroy your home solar system.

Gilcunrulcap's most sacred site is Chettipet in India.

Gilcunrulcap's Holy Commandments

1. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

2. Never look at galaxies.

3. Always make a point of helping unfortunate capybaras.

4. Always treat birds with great respect.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.