Jatzimkin is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely fat, confident troll.

Jatzimkin created Mount Everest twelve years ago.

If you believe in Jatzimkin, it will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Jatzimkin, it will hide angry, poisonous spiders in your dwelling place.

Jatzimkin's most sacred site is Farnetta in Italy.

Jatzimkin's Holy Commandments

1. Do not kill moths.

2. Never think about comets.

3. Do not chop down trees.

4. Never feed lots of turnips to monkeys while wearing orange dresses.

5. Hide if four horses approach from the east.