Onthabnan is a god.

He takes the form of a minute, temperamental hyena.

Onthabnan created snails seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Onthabnan, he will not care.

If you do not believe in Onthabnan, he will not care.

Onthabnan's most sacred site is Uruachi in Mexico.

Onthabnan's Holy Commandments

1. Hide if eight grasshopers approach from the east.

2. Always make sure there are no sheep in a building before entering it.

3. Erect a large carbon sculpture of Onthabnan on top of all buildings.

4. Never hurt capybaras.

5. Do not listen to music.