Cibbogvan is a god.

It takes the form of a chunky, selfish fairy.

Cibbogvan created dark energy two years ago.

If you believe in Cibbogvan, it will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Cibbogvan, it will boil you in a big pot.

Cibbogvan's most sacred site is Mmankgodi in Botswana.

Cibbogvan's Holy Commandments

1. Look mercifully on unfortunate monkeys.

2. Hide from mauve cats for they are unholy.

3. Never paint your arms fawn.

4. Always make a point of helping unfortunate nematodes.

5. Never write about photosynthesis.