Hasxemnurl is a god.

He takes the form of a galaxy-sized, capable beaver.

Hasxemnurl created vertebrates eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Hasxemnurl, he will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Hasxemnurl, he will torture you forever.

Hasxemnurl's most sacred site is Sirama in Madagascar.

Hasxemnurl's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat bark.

2. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Hasxemnurl.

3. Erect four iron sculptures of Hasxemnurl on top of important buildings.

4. Hide if nine dogs approach from the east.

5. Do not stand on grass.