Dapcudvan is a god.

He takes the form of a chunky, stupid dryad.

Dapcudvan created a Higgs boson three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Dapcudvan, he will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Dapcudvan, he will turn you into a sparrow.

Dapcudvan's most sacred site is Gorslas in Wales.

Dapcudvan's Holy Commandments

1. Paint representations of galaxies on the walls of your dwelling place.

2. Never feed cucumbers to doves while wearing fawn coats.

3. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

4. Always stare at clouds.

5. Always look after injured snakes.