Sassassaw is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly fat, proud hippopotamus.

Sassassaw created the world four million years ago.

If you believe in Sassassaw, she will celebrate by creating some nebulas.

If you do not believe in Sassassaw, she will turn you into a puffin.

Sassassaw's most sacred site is Phepheng in Botswana.

Sassassaw's Holy Commandments

1. Fast once a month.

2. Never eat green fruit.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

4. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

5. Never feed carrots to dolphins while wearing magenta shirts.