Tarpfitsin is a god.

It takes the form of an one thousand metre long, self-confident aardvark.

Tarpfitsin created the Large Magellanic Cloud five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Tarpfitsin, it will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Tarpfitsin, it will make you grow a tail.

Tarpfitsin's most sacred site is Zhelaizhai in China.

Tarpfitsin's Holy Commandments

1. Do not commit murder.

2. Learn three new languages a year.

3. You must never eat onions.

4. Never feed grapes to otters while wearing cyan corsets.

5. Always look after injured gulls.