Taplamvencit is a god.

He takes the form of an one thousand metre long, idiotic troll.

Taplamvencit created a quark eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Taplamvencit, he will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Taplamvencit, he will turn you into a sparrow.

Taplamvencit's most sacred site is Dingcun in China.

Taplamvencit's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about electromagnetism near grasshopers while wearing gray jumpers.

2. Do not consume onions at dawn.

3. Never bounce in holy places.

4. Never discuss archaea in public assemblies.

5. Do not eat carrots.