Kanbemzed Tonkcinquam is a god.

He takes the form of a slender, intelligent turtle.

Kanbemzed Tonkcinquam created Asia six million years ago.

If you believe in Kanbemzed Tonkcinquam, he will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Kanbemzed Tonkcinquam, he will turn you into a rock.

Kanbemzed Tonkcinquam's most sacred site is Kgope in Botswana.

Kanbemzed Tonkcinquam's Holy Commandments

1. You must love Kanbemzed Tonkcinquam.

2. Do not covet oxen.

3. Never talk about gravity.

4. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Kanbemzed Tonkcinquam.

5. Never wear hats.